Bathroom Supporting Surly Sister
Got a text for an audition.
Followed by an email
Followed by a phone call.
Now, lately, I have been in a surly mood...OH SHUT IT WITH YOUR "ALWAYS" CRAP! "LATELY" IS A RELATIVE TERM... and so the long ass description of what this audition was for and where my image may or may not possibly be used BORED ME and yes, even ANGERED ME. All I saw was that it was Pharmaceutical and Print. Which means it's another fucking go-see, and we know how I love those.
I don't know why I was so angry about everything, but there you have it. The dress was: Casual Around the House Clothing. So I wore blue jeans and a sweatshirt. If that doesn't say FUCK OFF, I don't know what does. Maybe pajamas. Or a tattered robe. I toddled off for my 12pm appointment - which was over on Beverly near Robertson. GREAT. That's a bad neighborhood. When I say "bad" I am defining it as "devoid of parking because it is full of trendy shops and restaurants and young wannabe Hollywood assholes who - in the words of xolondon - are just as likely to suddenly double park in the middle of the road so they can run into Starbucks as they are to 'bang a fucking U-ee' to get to the Coffee Bean across the street..." I cut it WAY close to my appointment time fighting to find a spot. Sue me.
So I go in, fill out my size card and give them my headshot. They ask me what role I am here for and I dutifully reply "Bathroom Supporting Sister". No shit - that is what I was told. There is a sign on the wall that says "If you are here for the role of Hero:Female or Hero:Male please be thinking about this question: When has a friend ever disappointed you and how?" Of course I think - "Whew! Glad I don't have to answer THAT stupid question" Go Bathroom Supporting Sister!
Then I remember my blog and think, well, what WOULD I say? That might be something "funnEh" to write about. If this were a FUNNY blog. But I hear that it's not. I hear it's just a vanity blog so meh.
I wait and wait and wait, and suddenly we get into danger time. I know my turn must be coming up - but my meter is running out. I put in way over 45 minutes - but this is a GO SEE! PRINT! You know -- smileclickturnclickturnclickthanks. What the hell is taking so long?!?!
I approach the assistants and ask where I am on the list - I explain about the meter and she tells me that I am next, but that they are burning DVDs right now and it might be a while - how long do I have left? 15 minutes. Ooh. That's cutting it close. Yeah, I say. She advises me to wait. (FYI they were VERY nice about it). So I sit there for about 10 minutes and realize that in that time, I could have made it to my car and back and still have time to, you know, sit there. I go back up and say, "Hey, I am worried about getting a ticket - I am not far - I'll just pop over and be back in a few minutes..." They were cool about it. So I RAN. RAN like I had my nike plus on.
Plugged the meter, ran back, and when I come back in a woman says, "They called your name while you were gone." 0_o I go up and tell them I am back, and they tell me I can be next.
OH! Did I mention I had someplace to BE at ONE? It's now TWELVE FORTY FIVE AND I AM STILL NOT IN THE ROOM. GAAAAAH.
FINALLY, It's my turn, and when I go in, there is already a girl standing there on the mark. She is answering the question about the time a friend disappointed her and how. She must be here for Hero:Female, right? Glad I don't have to answer that dumbass question. Woo! Bathroom Supporting Sister! Anyway - why am I here watching her? Besides because I am not angry enough about this bullshit? I figure I am going to have to step up and they will photograph us together and I should, um, look supportive. And like I am in a bathroom. Then they ask her what celebrity she would like to sleep with. !!! Okay whatever. (She said Denzel in case you are playing the home game.)
My turn. They put me on a different mark (Must be the mark for Bathroom Supporting Sister) and take my photograph. The photographer says: Closed Mouth smile. Good. Okay another one, no smile. Good. Okay now, no smile and I want a look of concern in your eyes. Don't ACT concerned, just think about being concerned and it will show in your eyes.
*sigh* really?
I am CONCERNED about GETTING A TICKET and BEING LATE to my ONE O CLOCK APPOINTMENT since it is now ONE O CLOCK and my audition time was TWELVE NOON.
Now they tell me to step up on the other mark in front of the camera.
WHY? ISN'T THIS A PRINT JOB? Not to mention the instructions that said this was only for Hero -What. Ever. Gosh, I wonder why you are RUNNING SO LATE!?
Someone pokes their head in - they are behind! (NO KIDDING) What about lunch? Should they just order sandwiches? Where from? Should they break for lunch in an hour? Is that too long. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH LUNCH LUNCH LUNCH SANDWICHES OH. MY. GOD. This goes on for what feels like 15 minutes. I just stand on the mark. All surly and stuff. I would have exploded, but I was wearing my Sundance sweatshirt, and I like it. I'm really into chocolate brown lately and plus, you know, I look TOTALLY cool when I wear it, I'm sure. I bet people think I am an important independent filmmaker. NO REALLY I BET THEY DO!
They had me slate, say my agency and then tell me to make sure I answer the question to camera, even though the person asking is in front of me. So here we go - When has a friend ever disappointed you and how? I am looking at the person asking the question, waiting for her to finish asking me so I can answer to camera as directed - and I can see out of the corner of my eye, the camera operator frantically gesturing towards the camera. Snarl.
Anyway, see! Blogging HELPS. I had an answer somewhat prepared - but despite there being a kernel of truth to the story - my friend actually DID disappoint me - the details didn't seem right. As I told the story, I thought somewhere, "no, that isn't right..." but, hey, at least I looked into the camera and said "it ended up getting blown way out of proportion, and even though I suspected all along what the problem was, if only she had told me, I would have understood and it wouldn't have been a big deal at all." *
Barf. cue violins.
Then they say all perky, OKAY to lighten it up a bit, what celebrity would you sleep with if you could sleep with any celebrity - no strings attached?
*blink*
So I say, "Well. Even though this isn't the most unique answer, and I'm sure he's in everyone's top five, I'm going to have to go with Johnny Depp. But the reason is because, in my friend's words, I have a 'kinky thing about dirt' and he looks pretty dirty to me."
They bust out laughing, and I kind of shift from foot to foot on the mark and say, "and now that you know this oddly personal thing about me, I'm just gonna... go..."
and I left.
yeah, just walked out.
and then RAN to my car.
**************************************************************************
*the one detail of the story that I *do* remember, but didn't tell them, was that when I got off the phone with my friend, I was so upset that I started crying, and my brother came into the room and said "what's wrong?" I told him the story and he said, "come with me". I followed him into the other room, where he hit *play* on a boom box that was cued up to "Don't bring me down" by ELO. My brother is a bowl full of awesome.
Followed by an email
Followed by a phone call.
Now, lately, I have been in a surly mood...OH SHUT IT WITH YOUR "ALWAYS" CRAP! "LATELY" IS A RELATIVE TERM... and so the long ass description of what this audition was for and where my image may or may not possibly be used BORED ME and yes, even ANGERED ME. All I saw was that it was Pharmaceutical and Print. Which means it's another fucking go-see, and we know how I love those.
I don't know why I was so angry about everything, but there you have it. The dress was: Casual Around the House Clothing. So I wore blue jeans and a sweatshirt. If that doesn't say FUCK OFF, I don't know what does. Maybe pajamas. Or a tattered robe. I toddled off for my 12pm appointment - which was over on Beverly near Robertson. GREAT. That's a bad neighborhood. When I say "bad" I am defining it as "devoid of parking because it is full of trendy shops and restaurants and young wannabe Hollywood assholes who - in the words of xolondon - are just as likely to suddenly double park in the middle of the road so they can run into Starbucks as they are to 'bang a fucking U-ee' to get to the Coffee Bean across the street..." I cut it WAY close to my appointment time fighting to find a spot. Sue me.
So I go in, fill out my size card and give them my headshot. They ask me what role I am here for and I dutifully reply "Bathroom Supporting Sister". No shit - that is what I was told. There is a sign on the wall that says "If you are here for the role of Hero:Female or Hero:Male please be thinking about this question: When has a friend ever disappointed you and how?" Of course I think - "Whew! Glad I don't have to answer THAT stupid question" Go Bathroom Supporting Sister!
Then I remember my blog and think, well, what WOULD I say? That might be something "funnEh" to write about. If this were a FUNNY blog. But I hear that it's not. I hear it's just a vanity blog so meh.
I wait and wait and wait, and suddenly we get into danger time. I know my turn must be coming up - but my meter is running out. I put in way over 45 minutes - but this is a GO SEE! PRINT! You know -- smileclickturnclickturnclickthanks. What the hell is taking so long?!?!
I approach the assistants and ask where I am on the list - I explain about the meter and she tells me that I am next, but that they are burning DVDs right now and it might be a while - how long do I have left? 15 minutes. Ooh. That's cutting it close. Yeah, I say. She advises me to wait. (FYI they were VERY nice about it). So I sit there for about 10 minutes and realize that in that time, I could have made it to my car and back and still have time to, you know, sit there. I go back up and say, "Hey, I am worried about getting a ticket - I am not far - I'll just pop over and be back in a few minutes..." They were cool about it. So I RAN. RAN like I had my nike plus on.
Plugged the meter, ran back, and when I come back in a woman says, "They called your name while you were gone." 0_o I go up and tell them I am back, and they tell me I can be next.
OH! Did I mention I had someplace to BE at ONE? It's now TWELVE FORTY FIVE AND I AM STILL NOT IN THE ROOM. GAAAAAH.
FINALLY, It's my turn, and when I go in, there is already a girl standing there on the mark. She is answering the question about the time a friend disappointed her and how. She must be here for Hero:Female, right? Glad I don't have to answer that dumbass question. Woo! Bathroom Supporting Sister! Anyway - why am I here watching her? Besides because I am not angry enough about this bullshit? I figure I am going to have to step up and they will photograph us together and I should, um, look supportive. And like I am in a bathroom. Then they ask her what celebrity she would like to sleep with. !!! Okay whatever. (She said Denzel in case you are playing the home game.)
My turn. They put me on a different mark (Must be the mark for Bathroom Supporting Sister) and take my photograph. The photographer says: Closed Mouth smile. Good. Okay another one, no smile. Good. Okay now, no smile and I want a look of concern in your eyes. Don't ACT concerned, just think about being concerned and it will show in your eyes.
*sigh* really?
I am CONCERNED about GETTING A TICKET and BEING LATE to my ONE O CLOCK APPOINTMENT since it is now ONE O CLOCK and my audition time was TWELVE NOON.
Now they tell me to step up on the other mark in front of the camera.
WHY? ISN'T THIS A PRINT JOB? Not to mention the instructions that said this was only for Hero -What. Ever. Gosh, I wonder why you are RUNNING SO LATE!?
Someone pokes their head in - they are behind! (NO KIDDING) What about lunch? Should they just order sandwiches? Where from? Should they break for lunch in an hour? Is that too long. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH LUNCH LUNCH LUNCH SANDWICHES OH. MY. GOD. This goes on for what feels like 15 minutes. I just stand on the mark. All surly and stuff. I would have exploded, but I was wearing my Sundance sweatshirt, and I like it. I'm really into chocolate brown lately and plus, you know, I look TOTALLY cool when I wear it, I'm sure. I bet people think I am an important independent filmmaker. NO REALLY I BET THEY DO!
They had me slate, say my agency and then tell me to make sure I answer the question to camera, even though the person asking is in front of me. So here we go - When has a friend ever disappointed you and how? I am looking at the person asking the question, waiting for her to finish asking me so I can answer to camera as directed - and I can see out of the corner of my eye, the camera operator frantically gesturing towards the camera. Snarl.
Anyway, see! Blogging HELPS. I had an answer somewhat prepared - but despite there being a kernel of truth to the story - my friend actually DID disappoint me - the details didn't seem right. As I told the story, I thought somewhere, "no, that isn't right..." but, hey, at least I looked into the camera and said "it ended up getting blown way out of proportion, and even though I suspected all along what the problem was, if only she had told me, I would have understood and it wouldn't have been a big deal at all." *
Barf. cue violins.
Then they say all perky, OKAY to lighten it up a bit, what celebrity would you sleep with if you could sleep with any celebrity - no strings attached?
*blink*
So I say, "Well. Even though this isn't the most unique answer, and I'm sure he's in everyone's top five, I'm going to have to go with Johnny Depp. But the reason is because, in my friend's words, I have a 'kinky thing about dirt' and he looks pretty dirty to me."
They bust out laughing, and I kind of shift from foot to foot on the mark and say, "and now that you know this oddly personal thing about me, I'm just gonna... go..."
and I left.
yeah, just walked out.
and then RAN to my car.
**************************************************************************
*the one detail of the story that I *do* remember, but didn't tell them, was that when I got off the phone with my friend, I was so upset that I started crying, and my brother came into the room and said "what's wrong?" I told him the story and he said, "come with me". I followed him into the other room, where he hit *play* on a boom box that was cued up to "Don't bring me down" by ELO. My brother is a bowl full of awesome.
posted by Oh. It's Kristen Again. *sigh* at 7:38 PM
2 Comments:
Thank you.
Now don't say I never thanked you or I will scream LIAR.
But how do you REALLY feel?
You told the story so blandly I couldn't tell.
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