Sears III (not 2!)
Not that I am all braggy mcbragsalot because I have an iPhone, but neener neener, I have an iPhone!
For real, I don't understand when people look at in in awe and treat me like I have a golden ticket. I want to say, um, you know you can just go to the store and buy one of these, right? It's like David Spade's take on people who think they're all that for driving around in limousines, "Ooooh, you have $50!"
But man, it sure is nice to have email access on the go - especially when those emails are audition notices! *french kisses iPhone*
Sears III. Whatever that means. But I was reminded via email 3 times to make sure I signed in under the right spot.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Gak. Thankfully, it was not the casting studio that I thought it was, over near Robertson. I've discussed my extreme hatred of venturing near Robertson. Too many posers and gawkers for traffic to flow at an acceptable speed. The block that this studio is on, is only marginally better - it's one of those blocks where it's all spiffed-up-sparkly-luxury cars. Bentleys, Rolls, Porsche Cayenne and Lexus. Chock full of folks who believe an expensive car gives them the right of way at all times. You should look out for THEM!
To be a *total* libra, I should point out that I sort of have the same attitude about my busted up piece of shite. You have a 'SPENSIVE car? YOU, my friend, should avoid ME.
Here's where I impart a FASCINATING detail that I think might only be of interest to Angelenos and other peeps living in a car culture. I GOT A PARKING SPOT RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE JOINT. THE METER STILL HAD TIME ON IT. God is in his heaven.
I am the first one there! What do I win?
I sign in (under Sears III omg, okay okay) and wait. A pretty girl walks in, looks at the sign in sheets and asks me, "how do we know if we are here for II or III?" I tell her, "my agent emailed me 3 times to make sure I knew it was III"... "uhhh okay," she says and leaves the room to call her agent. When she comes back in, she says triumphantly "II!" "Hurrah!" I say, "because you are dressed the same as I am!" Other people come in - with kids. It's a family spot, so no surprise. One frazzled mom looks at the table with the sign in sheets, turns to the rest of us sitting there and says "Where are the sign in sheets?" There's an uncomfortable silence. I say, "Um. On that table in front of you." She says "Well, I don't know which one to sign" and takes her kids to a corner to sit down. I look at the other girl and motion between the two of us and whisper in satisfaction "weeee doooo."
She laughs and then says, "I feel like I know you from somewhere..." and she *does* look familiar - and before I begin the process of wracking my feeble brain to figure it out, she says, "Did you go to producers for a lawyer on Cold Case?" -- and then I remember her! She was one of the 5 they had narrowed it down to for the producers' session, and they were running behind - so they put us in the writers room to wait for them to begin the session. For a while we all sat there in silence, looking at each other, each one of us undertaking the Sisyphean task of trying to figure out who might book the part and why. I don't know who broke the silence and minor tension, but it was probably me - because I *do* remember finally announcing that I was helping myself to the snacks that they stock the room with for the writers, and by the end, we were busting out the cheetos and reading the plot ideas of the upcoming shows off the white board. Except for one girl, who sat in a corner with her hair in her face going over and over her lines. "She's gonna book it" we told each other when they called her in. (She didn't. They booked the girl I blogged about that was in the first rounds with me)
So having gotten our bonding out of the way long ago, we had a great time chatting in the waiting room. The casting director came out and asked the frazzled mom which Sears spot her children were here for. She said, " I don't know if I am here for Sears One or Sears Two." He turned back around and said, "There's only Sears Two and Sears Three. There is no Sears One." And I am not ashamed to admit that I heard it in my head as "There is NOOOOOOOOO Sears One. Rule 4 NO POOFTERS!"
Remember how I brazenly declared God to be in his heaven? In walk several of "the dads". One of them is this guy that I ALWAYS get stuck with. I have been paired up with him 3 or 4 times in auditions - sadly this was in my pre Slate Your Name days, because although he = bad audition he also = blog entry gold mine. He cannot listen to or follow directions to save his soul. We were paired up at a callback for Direct TV, and they told us to sit together as a *family* and mime watching television. AND ACTION. Within 2 seconds, he turns to me and says, "ISN'T THIS GREAT HONEY?" Seriously, WTF part of MIME was difficult for you to grasp??!?
I am first on the list, and receive my complimentary 2 sons and latino inspired husband. GOD IS IN HIS HEAVEN. IT IS NOT *THAT GUY*!!!
We are the first ones to be filmed for the day. As we walk into the room, one of the kids starts saying "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, I want to say something! I want to tell you something!" I say, "okay, what do you have to say?" He ignores me, stares pointedly at the casting director and says, "Excuse me, I have something to say, I have something to tell you." The casting director turns around and says, "Um okay, what?" Kid 1 draws himself up and says "I am missing my two front teeth, but I have a Mr. Potato head at home and I can stick his teeth in my mouth, if you want me to look like I have teeth."
I didn't know whether to laugh or be horrified. I guess it depends on whether he made the decision on the spot to get this information out, or if he was coached by a well meaning parent to "let the casting director know." The casting director fires up the camera.... orrrrr not so much. There are technical difficulties. The kids and I talk about losing teeth, the taste of blood, and how much money it would take for us to let someone tie a string around a loose tooth, then a doorknob and slam the door.
Okay! Time to smile! Okay, no, not so much. Technical difficulties. Now we are talking about video games and XBox Live. I am telling them what games are good on the Wii, and have just started to describe Elebits when it's time for us to Smile! (TM)Suddenly, latino inspired dad says to the boys, "OKAY BOYS! HERE WE GO! HIGH FIVE!!" I nearly jumped out of my skin - he had been so quiet up to that point. 1, 2, 3, smile... okay wait, not so much. More camera trouble.
The kids have now figured out that since I can describe the game Elebits to them, and how you play, in minute detail, means that I actually *own* a Wii. They want to know how many games I have, how often I play, what my favorite games are... and then Mr. Potato Head kid asks me the biggest, most leading question of all: "Do you live here?"
"What, in this studio?" I say, knowing exactly where this is going.
He rolls his eyes, "No, I mean HERE."
"Oh you mean in Los Angeles? Yes I live in Los Angeles."
He considers this for a moment- and smoke is just about to come out of his ears as he desperately tries to figure out a way to GET INVITED TO MY HOUSE. I feel sorry for him for a second - he's just a kid, and powerless in terms of having any control over his life. It's almost as if he was struggling to comprehend things that he didn't quite know were on his horizon - like owning a car or having friends he chooses to be friends with, as opposed to people he is thrown together with at school or on playdates.
But yeah. Not sorry enough to invite him over to my house. Cha!
Right at the point where I think he's going to explode is when the camera finally is up and running. Time to smile and act like a family. The question for the grown ups is, "Where is your favorite place in California?" Luckily "mom" is to the left of "dad" and I have a few seconds to think of an answer. I say Huntington Gardens. Why? Because I am from the east coast and I like the desert garden - it feels like I am on a different planet. (It's a kind of lame answer, but my real answer is even worse - my favorite place in California? My house)
Time for the kids. Mr. Potato Head kid is first. What was the best thing he's done this summer? He hems and haws. No, seriously, this kid was stumped and yet, he managed, to, well, you know. I guess, it's just, he thought, it's, I mean, my favorite thing I did this summer would be, would be...
It felt like 5 very painful minutes.
"Church" he finally spits out.
The casting director says, "Church. Really? Church was your favorite thing you did this summer? How about I ask you a different question? If you could be an animal, what kind of animal would you like to be?"
More hemming and hawing. "If I could be an animal, any animal, the kind of animal i would like to be...well, I guess, maybe, any animal, I would like to be..."
Another 5 minutes.
The casting director decides to move on - he's making the motions, starting to say, "Okay, thanks" when the kid suddenly spits out:
RED TAILED HAWK!!!
We are all quiet.
Okay we are moving on.
Kid 2 is asked what kind of animal he would like to be. This kid had one of those awesome voices - that raspy voice where it sounds like he's super serious about everything he talks about. "A Bear."
"A Bear? Why?"
"Cause I would be big and have claws."
I mean, duh.
It's finally over after this, and I walk out to my car, which I would like to remind you was right out in front. WOO!
I hear "Excuse me! Excuse me!" behind me. It's Mr. Potato Head Kid. He says, "Do you want to know why I picked Red Tailed Hawk?" His caretaker is in a hurry and tries to rush him along. But MPHK stands his ground. He is going to have his say and thus, ignores her. I bite - since i was actually relieved that he wasn't inviting himself over to my house for some Wii Sports.
"Sure, why?"
"Because, that way, I would have talons and be able to sink them into my brother's back"
His caretaker hurries him along.
I stand in front of my car and once again, I am not sure if I should be laughing or completely horrified. I mean, I have a brother, and I can see how that would be quite appealing.
For real, I don't understand when people look at in in awe and treat me like I have a golden ticket. I want to say, um, you know you can just go to the store and buy one of these, right? It's like David Spade's take on people who think they're all that for driving around in limousines, "Ooooh, you have $50!"
But man, it sure is nice to have email access on the go - especially when those emails are audition notices! *french kisses iPhone*
Sears III. Whatever that means. But I was reminded via email 3 times to make sure I signed in under the right spot.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Gak. Thankfully, it was not the casting studio that I thought it was, over near Robertson. I've discussed my extreme hatred of venturing near Robertson. Too many posers and gawkers for traffic to flow at an acceptable speed. The block that this studio is on, is only marginally better - it's one of those blocks where it's all spiffed-up-sparkly-luxury cars. Bentleys, Rolls, Porsche Cayenne and Lexus. Chock full of folks who believe an expensive car gives them the right of way at all times. You should look out for THEM!
To be a *total* libra, I should point out that I sort of have the same attitude about my busted up piece of shite. You have a 'SPENSIVE car? YOU, my friend, should avoid ME.
Here's where I impart a FASCINATING detail that I think might only be of interest to Angelenos and other peeps living in a car culture. I GOT A PARKING SPOT RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE JOINT. THE METER STILL HAD TIME ON IT. God is in his heaven.
I am the first one there! What do I win?
I sign in (under Sears III omg, okay okay) and wait. A pretty girl walks in, looks at the sign in sheets and asks me, "how do we know if we are here for II or III?" I tell her, "my agent emailed me 3 times to make sure I knew it was III"... "uhhh okay," she says and leaves the room to call her agent. When she comes back in, she says triumphantly "II!" "Hurrah!" I say, "because you are dressed the same as I am!" Other people come in - with kids. It's a family spot, so no surprise. One frazzled mom looks at the table with the sign in sheets, turns to the rest of us sitting there and says "Where are the sign in sheets?" There's an uncomfortable silence. I say, "Um. On that table in front of you." She says "Well, I don't know which one to sign" and takes her kids to a corner to sit down. I look at the other girl and motion between the two of us and whisper in satisfaction "weeee doooo."
She laughs and then says, "I feel like I know you from somewhere..." and she *does* look familiar - and before I begin the process of wracking my feeble brain to figure it out, she says, "Did you go to producers for a lawyer on Cold Case?" -- and then I remember her! She was one of the 5 they had narrowed it down to for the producers' session, and they were running behind - so they put us in the writers room to wait for them to begin the session. For a while we all sat there in silence, looking at each other, each one of us undertaking the Sisyphean task of trying to figure out who might book the part and why. I don't know who broke the silence and minor tension, but it was probably me - because I *do* remember finally announcing that I was helping myself to the snacks that they stock the room with for the writers, and by the end, we were busting out the cheetos and reading the plot ideas of the upcoming shows off the white board. Except for one girl, who sat in a corner with her hair in her face going over and over her lines. "She's gonna book it" we told each other when they called her in. (She didn't. They booked the girl I blogged about that was in the first rounds with me)
So having gotten our bonding out of the way long ago, we had a great time chatting in the waiting room. The casting director came out and asked the frazzled mom which Sears spot her children were here for. She said, " I don't know if I am here for Sears One or Sears Two." He turned back around and said, "There's only Sears Two and Sears Three. There is no Sears One." And I am not ashamed to admit that I heard it in my head as "There is NOOOOOOOOO Sears One. Rule 4 NO POOFTERS!"
Remember how I brazenly declared God to be in his heaven? In walk several of "the dads". One of them is this guy that I ALWAYS get stuck with. I have been paired up with him 3 or 4 times in auditions - sadly this was in my pre Slate Your Name days, because although he = bad audition he also = blog entry gold mine. He cannot listen to or follow directions to save his soul. We were paired up at a callback for Direct TV, and they told us to sit together as a *family* and mime watching television. AND ACTION. Within 2 seconds, he turns to me and says, "ISN'T THIS GREAT HONEY?" Seriously, WTF part of MIME was difficult for you to grasp??!?
I am first on the list, and receive my complimentary 2 sons and latino inspired husband. GOD IS IN HIS HEAVEN. IT IS NOT *THAT GUY*!!!
We are the first ones to be filmed for the day. As we walk into the room, one of the kids starts saying "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, I want to say something! I want to tell you something!" I say, "okay, what do you have to say?" He ignores me, stares pointedly at the casting director and says, "Excuse me, I have something to say, I have something to tell you." The casting director turns around and says, "Um okay, what?" Kid 1 draws himself up and says "I am missing my two front teeth, but I have a Mr. Potato head at home and I can stick his teeth in my mouth, if you want me to look like I have teeth."
I didn't know whether to laugh or be horrified. I guess it depends on whether he made the decision on the spot to get this information out, or if he was coached by a well meaning parent to "let the casting director know." The casting director fires up the camera.... orrrrr not so much. There are technical difficulties. The kids and I talk about losing teeth, the taste of blood, and how much money it would take for us to let someone tie a string around a loose tooth, then a doorknob and slam the door.
Okay! Time to smile! Okay, no, not so much. Technical difficulties. Now we are talking about video games and XBox Live. I am telling them what games are good on the Wii, and have just started to describe Elebits when it's time for us to Smile! (TM)Suddenly, latino inspired dad says to the boys, "OKAY BOYS! HERE WE GO! HIGH FIVE!!" I nearly jumped out of my skin - he had been so quiet up to that point. 1, 2, 3, smile... okay wait, not so much. More camera trouble.
The kids have now figured out that since I can describe the game Elebits to them, and how you play, in minute detail, means that I actually *own* a Wii. They want to know how many games I have, how often I play, what my favorite games are... and then Mr. Potato Head kid asks me the biggest, most leading question of all: "Do you live here?"
"What, in this studio?" I say, knowing exactly where this is going.
He rolls his eyes, "No, I mean HERE."
"Oh you mean in Los Angeles? Yes I live in Los Angeles."
He considers this for a moment- and smoke is just about to come out of his ears as he desperately tries to figure out a way to GET INVITED TO MY HOUSE. I feel sorry for him for a second - he's just a kid, and powerless in terms of having any control over his life. It's almost as if he was struggling to comprehend things that he didn't quite know were on his horizon - like owning a car or having friends he chooses to be friends with, as opposed to people he is thrown together with at school or on playdates.
But yeah. Not sorry enough to invite him over to my house. Cha!
Right at the point where I think he's going to explode is when the camera finally is up and running. Time to smile and act like a family. The question for the grown ups is, "Where is your favorite place in California?" Luckily "mom" is to the left of "dad" and I have a few seconds to think of an answer. I say Huntington Gardens. Why? Because I am from the east coast and I like the desert garden - it feels like I am on a different planet. (It's a kind of lame answer, but my real answer is even worse - my favorite place in California? My house)
Time for the kids. Mr. Potato Head kid is first. What was the best thing he's done this summer? He hems and haws. No, seriously, this kid was stumped and yet, he managed, to, well, you know. I guess, it's just, he thought, it's, I mean, my favorite thing I did this summer would be, would be...
It felt like 5 very painful minutes.
"Church" he finally spits out.
The casting director says, "Church. Really? Church was your favorite thing you did this summer? How about I ask you a different question? If you could be an animal, what kind of animal would you like to be?"
More hemming and hawing. "If I could be an animal, any animal, the kind of animal i would like to be...well, I guess, maybe, any animal, I would like to be..."
Another 5 minutes.
The casting director decides to move on - he's making the motions, starting to say, "Okay, thanks" when the kid suddenly spits out:
RED TAILED HAWK!!!
We are all quiet.
Okay we are moving on.
Kid 2 is asked what kind of animal he would like to be. This kid had one of those awesome voices - that raspy voice where it sounds like he's super serious about everything he talks about. "A Bear."
"A Bear? Why?"
"Cause I would be big and have claws."
I mean, duh.
It's finally over after this, and I walk out to my car, which I would like to remind you was right out in front. WOO!
I hear "Excuse me! Excuse me!" behind me. It's Mr. Potato Head Kid. He says, "Do you want to know why I picked Red Tailed Hawk?" His caretaker is in a hurry and tries to rush him along. But MPHK stands his ground. He is going to have his say and thus, ignores her. I bite - since i was actually relieved that he wasn't inviting himself over to my house for some Wii Sports.
"Sure, why?"
"Because, that way, I would have talons and be able to sink them into my brother's back"
His caretaker hurries him along.
I stand in front of my car and once again, I am not sure if I should be laughing or completely horrified. I mean, I have a brother, and I can see how that would be quite appealing.
posted by Oh. It's Kristen Again. *sigh* at 4:36 PM
6 Comments:
I was asked the same thing for my
Eagle Scout board of review (where they decide if you are worth of being an Eagle Scout...or something) apparently they asked my parents in a separate review. I said wolf, they said lion. Im not really sure what either means.
But you know they both have teeth and claws so...whatever. but i didnt plan on clawing my brothers to death, although.....
You're starting to see the logic behind it now, aren't you?
So, how exactly does one discover that missing teeth can be replaced by the teeth from a Mr. Potato Head? Was this something that his dentist recommended?
And did he BRING the teeth, or would he have had to return home to get them?
I feel like it's an episode of Lost. Fewer questions answered than asked.
That boy was an enigma wrapped in a question mark, then dipped in rich creamery butter.
Dipped in creamery butter?
Let me tell you there IS a SEARS I and HE is dipped in buttercream icing.
... and served at the finest tea shops around the globe!
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